10.26.15 - An Emotional Day

My Dearest Conor,

It's 230 in the morning and you have just woken and crawled into bed with me. I was awake, watching you in the monitor, toss and turn, knowing that it wouldn't be long before you were in here. Not sure why I was awake, just a lot on my mind I guess.

This past weekend was your walk weekend. You were not there. I was, and not having you there was very hard. I saw lots of familiar faces, every single one of which asked me "Where's Conor?" You are so incredibly loved Monkey. But yeah, just being there in general was emotional, but the fact that you were not there made it even more emotional.

Soooo many people were at the walk. An estimated 22,000 to 25,000 people to be exact. 1.4 million dollars were raised, 1/2 of which is guaranteed to stay here in our state to benefit SARRC and even more money available to stay with local grants.

I was also the official photographer again this year and had some amazing people helping me. Andy (your future father in law) helped again, then there were two new friends of ours Christine and Shannon. Shannon is Gavin's mommy from Buddy Baseball. And then there was Dana who flew across the country just for the walk and to help me and support you.   I don't know what I would do without Dana, Monk. She helped Mommy a lot this weekend and not just with the walk. She kinda put Mommy in her place and told her to stop being dumb. On top of being schooled by Dana, we got to see Jamie and Victor and Aunt Cookie and Uncle Dodie and best of all....  You got to play with Mateo twice and also last night when Caleb and Isaiah were there. It was very clear just how much you missed them all. You flapped your hands so much from excitement I thought a couple times there you were going to get some air and start flying around the room. I think it was made clear too to Dana and Jamie moving to Jersey was a mistake. I see them moving back here before next summer, if not sooner.

Then on Saturday, we went over to Jayen's house where Nicole cooked breakfast and you played, mostly on the stairs, but you played. Nicole made this huge spread, it looked like something out of a Foodie Magazine. I was having some issues just before we got there and was just a bundle of nerves so I wasn't really in the mood for food, but I did take a little of each of her dishes and it tasted even better than it looked. Nicole really did a great job and it was an honor to be there.

Well Monkey. It's now 3am and I guess I should wrap this letter up and make another attempt at sleep. I just wish I could just stop thinking long enough for my brain to go into sleep mode, it's not easy. Been a rough weekend and it's only going to get rougher, but I will get through it. I will find a way Monkey.

Good night, sweet dreams.

I love you
Mommy

10.21.15 - So Proud

My Dearest Conor,

Hey Monkey. Been a while since I have written you a letter, things have been just a tab bit crazy. Work is really keeping me on my toes, plus this new organization I have started, top that off with everything wrapped around you that keeps me busy. I wonder how I manage to still stand some days, but staying busy is so much easier than the alternative.

Since my last letter to you, you started a new school. From all reports and seeing your own actions when we head to school in the morning, you seem to really like it. I guess we will find out next week just how much you like it when I attend your parent teacher conferences.

Since my last letter to you, you lost another therapist. Felicia chose to pursue another line of work. I have interviewed 3 and decided on 2 and they should be starting the pairing next week. Mandi is of course still part of your team, sorry kid, you are stuck with that one! :)

Since my last letter to you, I attempted a gluten-free way of eating with you. I didn't see a lot of changes, except for in my bank account, but when you got sick and were unable to keep anything down I had no choice but to give you whatever you could keep down and that just happened to be regular crackers and pretzels. After that, I kept you off the GF way for about 2 weeks in which it was brought to my attention that your focus was off again. So maybe this GF thing could be helping w/ your focus. IDK. It was decided that I was going to try  the GF again in November, but Monkey, I will be honest with you, it is soooo expensive and you don't eat 1/2 the food I give you and you end up throwing it away. It's like crumpling up money and tossing it in the trash. Will just have to see how things go. I can tell you that  you did NOT like any of the GF foods. None of it!

Since my last letter to you, you started and completed season 4 of Bambino Buddy Baseball. This season for some reason was a bit rougher than last, IDK if it was all the other changes in your routine (starting new school, losing therapist, GF way of eating, etc) or what, but you had your good days and you had your bad days. But overall, you continued to make progress and that is all that matters to me. Coach Matt came back to coach, you got to play with Jayen again and meet some new friends too. An unexpected bonus that came out of  this season was Coach Matt's wife, Nicole ended up taking control of the PA system and did an amazing job of announcing the entire season. I made her an award for her efforts as well. She is quite the character.

Since my last letter to you, you have found this new way to accentuate your verbal sounds. We call it "duck lips" but whatever helps you, I don't care what it looks like or what we call it. It is helping you to verbally say so many things, including "Mom". Soon baby.... I will hear you say this soon. Once that happens, it won't be long till I hear "I love you Mom". Fingers crossed.

Well, I need to wrap this letter up, need to go post in mommy's blog now. Read some blog posts from someone last night and it kind of inspired me to get back in here. I am sorry it has been so long since my last letter, I will try really hard to make sure I get in here more.

Proud of you Monkey. You have made so much progress over the last several months, keep up the good work baby. I love you.

All My Love, Forever.
Mom